60 Seconds

Come to find out, I'm a bad-ass even when it comes to velociraptors.

I could survive for 60 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

And you?

Suck It

Blogs and Web sites I wish I'd thought of first:

Unnecessary Quotation Marks

Passive-Aggressive Notes

Lolcats

Apostrophe Abuse

Best of Craigslist

So suck it, people who thought of them first.

Love,

Dawn

You Can Pick Your Friends...

There are at least 10 good reasons that I am absolutely thrilled, THRILLED I tell you, that John McCain picked Sarah Palin as his running mate. And not a one of them has to do with the fact that she is allegedly in possession of a vagina.

1. His personal involvement in selecting Palin consisted of a single meeting with her. I spent longer vetting exterminators.
   
   
2. Her 17-year-old daughter is preggers! That's right, up the duff, eating for two, knocked up, in a family way. Hee hee. I normally wouldn't find teenage pregnancy so hilarious, but in this case I'll make an exception.
   
   
3. Her future son-in-law (shotgun, anyone?) previously announced on his MySpace page that he doesn't want kids, and on that same page, describes himself as a "f$%#&* redneck."
   
   
4. Before she was an angel sent straight from heaven to be McCain's VP, she was a pork-loving politician, which McCain just hates. The Chicago Tribune reports that McCain's list of "objectionable pork" has, in the past, included several projects in Wasilla, while Palin served as mayor--a $500,000 transportation project, a $1 million emergency communications center, and $450,000 for an agricultural processing facility. Maybe it's just everyone else's pork that's bad?
   
   
5. Also on the God tip, Palin has said that we should be praying the troops sent to Iraq are on a "task from God." She also recommended praying for people to come together on the issue of an apparently controversial gas pipeline. I had no idea God was available for these kinds of requests. God, if you're listening, I'd like to lose 20 lbs. (without doing anything,) and I wouldn't mind a new car either.
   
   
6. There's talk around the watercooler that maybe, just possibly, she got her former brother-in-law fired, along with Alaska's public safety commissioner, who refused to fire her brother-in-law. Or something like that. Either way the Alaska legislature is currently investigating.
   
   
7. As "Sarah the Barracuda" on her high school basketball team, she was also responsible for leading the team prayer.
   
   
8. She got her passport last year.
   
   
9. Despite being someone who purports to value Alaska's natural environment, she's also a big fan of drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge.
   
   
10. While running for governor of Alaska, Palin called for teaching creationism alongside evolution. But not to worry, she hasn't actually advocated for it as governor. No harm, no foul.
    
    
    

Chicken or the Egg?

This weekend, while standing in line at Bloom (a grocery store) I observed a tattoo-covered gentleman standing in front of me waiting rather impatiently, it seemed. To be fair, the intellectually-challenged (my diagnosis) individual in front of us, confounded by the check-out, was trying my patience too.
But then I looked down and noticed that tattoo man was holding two items--a large box of condoms, and a home pregnancy test. I found this perplexing. Bad history with condoms? Girlfriend could already be on stork watch, but if not, it's party time? It left me confused, except about his decision to use self-checkout.
P.S. Yeah, it's been a month or two since I checked in. What are you gonna do about it?