Friday, February 15, 2008

I Spy a Giant Hunk of Space Junk

Is anyone else excited that the U.S. Government plans to shoot a giant, poisonous super-secret spy satellite out of the sky some time in the next few weeks? That just sounds cool, right?

If we're going to have an ignorant, misguided, willful, arrogant bastard in the White House, the least he can do is make something cool happen. Re-creating the plot from "Armageddon" only with a spy satellite instead of an asteroid (perhaps even cooler) and without Ben Affleck or Bruce Willis, is, well, it's still awesome.

Apparently, the classified plot was hatched through super-secret meetings with super-secret top scientists. Two Navy destroyers are currently positioned at secret locations in the Pacific, north of the equator, awaiting orders. And there are also super-secret emergency response teams (okay, I don't know if they're actually secret) standing by as we speak, in case the plan doesn't work. FEMA has issued guidelines about responding to the emergency, including, helpfully, that one should avoid giving mouth-to-mouth to anyone who has inhaled hydrazine or beryllium. Fair enough. In my case, the government need not worry, because there is very little chance that I am going to purposely lock lips with a complete stranger, regardless of whether they've been poisoned by rocket fuel.

In any event, stay tuned, because this operation may be a huge success, or a monumental failure, and either way it's going to be fun to watch.

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