Saturday, May 31, 2008

Feats of Clay

Today, I had a lot of trouble with the news. Some days are worse than others. So many people dead in Myanmar. More victims of the China quake found. The insurgency is gaining strength again in Iraq... None of that really phases me.

But today I dreamed, I mean read, that Clay Aiken is expecting a baby. I know, it stopped me too. It just doesn't compute. It's like reading "Ann Coulter becomes UNICEF Ambassador" or "Study finds fried foods speed metabolism."

But it gets weirder. I mean, for me, it was weird enough because I kind of thought he was gay. Of course, Melissa Etheridge is gay, and she has babies. And lots of gay men have a beard (a female companion who deflects questions about a gay man's sexuality) so maybe Clay has one, she got pregnant so they're conveniently claiming it's his. To be honest, I don't really know a hell of a lot about Clay Aiken and his personal life. And frankly I'd like to keep it that way. But since the headline stopped me in my tracks, I did manage to read the story. Apparently, Clay's best friend is a 50-year-old woman named Jayme Foster, sister of record mogul David Foster. Clay and Jayme live together, and Jayme has been artificially inseminated with Clay's sperm. Yup. You read that right. You don't have to make this stuff up.

And that giant crunching noise you here? My sources tell me it's the universe collapsing on itself.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

artificial insemination....

* said...

Well sure. There's no question it can be done. But none of it computes very well. So he wanted to have a baby with his 50-year-old female best friend? Or she wanted a baby and he happened to have an important ingredient? Is it a good idea, you know, clinically, for his 50-year-old female best friend to have a baby? Is she gay too? I mean assuming he is, and that really seems up for grabs. Sooo many questions.

El Dolor said...

Why do you have a picture of Amy Ray from the Indigo Girls on this blog entry?