Never Mind the Bollocks

I think each of us remembers the first time, sitting in traffic, when we glimpsed a set of giant testicles hanging from the pick-up truck in front of us. And while we all may have reacted slightly differently, the one thing that probably occurred to all of us is "God, male genitalia is soooooo hilariously unpleasant looking." Which is correct. There's just nothing all that aesthetically pleasing about what amounts to two golf balls swinging in a baggy, hairy sock. Gagging yet?

And that's why I can get behind Virginia Delegate Lionel Spruill, who has proposed a bill to ban the display of human genitalia replicas on motor vehicles in the state. Usually, I'm not the kind of person who tells other people what to do with their genitalia--real or fake. But when you choose to swing them from your bumper, forcing me to look a them, even briefly, I think I want the state to intervene.

Regardless of the proposed legislation, one question remains--what type of person actually wants a big ball sack hanging from their vehicle? Vulgar? Check. Kinda sad? 10-4. Misguidedly enamored of their own goofy genitals? You know it! Plus maybe tobacco-chewing, or most likely to get in a bar fight.

And yes, I know the Virginia legislature probably has more important things to do, but let's face it, we all know they're not going to. So why not do this in the meantime? Plus, at the end of the day, any piece of legislation that spawns headlines like "Possible Testicle Ban In Virginia" can't be all bad, right?