Some things I would have blogged about if it hadn't been a distractingly crappy month (or My Triumphant Return to Blogging)

1. Holiday Crafts Weekend- During which we purchased a tree, hung a stellar, yet classy, display of Christmas lights (man, I love Christmas lights, seriously, of all kinds), and bought cranberries, destined for a craft we never completed. Maybe someday. Darren's exemplary light-hanging work was noticed by the neighbors, who slowly succumbed to the holiday spirit and hung their own lights. Just not as good as ours.

2. Hooters- It all comes down to this: What in God's name are they wearing? And why do people go there? Ever? I began asking questions when I saw the Hooters waitresses featured as ring girls at that fight we attended. The giant, blinding white aerobics sneakers (high tops required, per the official Hooters employee handbook), orange shorts, WITH PANTYHOSE (suntan, also according to the handbook.) A wife-beater with the word "Hooters" emblazoned across the front, as if to caption its contents. I guess if you're going for white trash you might as well go all the way. It's probably also worth mentioning that Hooters has a special "Kids Eat Free" day (Thursdays, in case you want to bring little Johnny or Sally along.) Seems a little outside of their target market, but I suppose you gotta start 'em young.

3. Santa's Nuts- That's as in "the nuts belonging to Santa" as opposed to "Man, Santa is nuts." Why was I thinking about Santa's nuts? Well, who wouldn't? But also, I did read an article about a woman in Connecticut who was arrested for groping Santa Claus at a mall. She was charged with fourth degree sexual assault. And while I do not support sexually assaulting Santa Claus, I have to admit I wondered for a brief moment if, given all of the crying and badgering and maybe even vomiting that your average mall Santa has to endure, if maybe he didn't like it just a little tiny bit. Does that make me a bad person?

As for why it was a really crappy four weeks, I'll just mention a few things: 1. The holidays are emotionally and financially stressful-I am sure you did not know this; 2. Our veterinarian has a solid start on a college fund for the little ones, or took a trip to Acapulco for the holidays, thanks to our eight visits during the latter half of December. Most importantly, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, Weasel is back in force, so all's well that ends well; 3. As a result of 1. and 2. I may now qualify for food stamps. Donations are welcome, but sadly are not tax-deductible.

My New Year's resolution? Occasionally remembering that I have a blog.